Conversation with a gun shop fly-on-the-wall

By: Douglas Smith - Contributing Columnist

The late William Raspberry, a longtime columnist with the Washington Post, sometimes described an imaginary D.C. taxi driver, “the cabbie,” to muse about current issues as seen by an everyday citizen. Let’s catch up with veteran columnist Robert Lee’s occasional muse, “Fly-on-the-wall.”


“So, Fly, have you any insights about the Lee column this week?”

“Y’know,” Fly began, “Hillary and Obama make my life easier during stopovers at Robert’s shop.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, they bug him to death …”

“Ummm, that’s clear enough to regular readers.”

“… and my life is tough enough, avoiding swatters and pest strips. But when he’s on the warpath about one of them, I can’t get a swat or a ‘shoo!’ out of him. It’s very relaxing for me.”

“I noticed, Fly, that Mr. Lee was steamed about Hillary’s ‘deplorables’, and jail for her and Bill.”

Fly sighed, “Boy, those ‘deplorables’ were a real life saver!”

“How so, Fly?”

“Well, the first moment Robert heard ‘deplorables’ from Hillary, he had the swatter in hand, and I knew I was a goner! He stopped in mid-strike.”

“Geez … how did you escape?”

“I buzzed his ear and shouted, ‘permanent column fodder!’ I swear on a can of Raid, it worked!”

“So you can influence Mr. Lee?”

“Not enough,” noted Fly sadly. “He got really excited about Obama’s travel expenses.”

“I remember, Fly … about $97 million over 8 years.”

“Yep,” Fly nodded, “I reminded Robert that Trump could pass that in one year. $20 million just in travel to his golf resorts, alone.”

“Any response, Fly?”

“Nope, he was lost in Hillary’s e-mails.”

“Any insights about jail for the Clintons, Fly?”

“Robert’s just stubborn about that one, although even a fly knows, not even the FBI, or endless congressional hearings, could pin anything on her.”

“OK, Fly, but how about jail for Bill?”

“That brings up a good story,” Fly snickered. “An ancestor of mine flew into the Oval Office once, about 20 years ago. Bill was entertaining a young lady friend. Granddad said it was a real multiple eye-opener! The ultimate …”

“Oh no, Fly, don’t say it …”

“… ha! ‘fly-on-the-wall’ story!”

“You’re a real chucklehead, Fly, but was any of that jail-worthy?”

“Oh, no,” Fly retorted, “but think about it. What would have been worse if you were Bill … jail, or living with Hillary for the rest of your life after that?”

“Shoo, Fly!”

Douglas Smith is a resident of Rockingham and frequent letter-to-the-editor writer.

Douglas Smith

Contributing Columnist