I was joking with one of the editors a couple of weeks ago about the content of this column. I was telling him I can come up with a topic for the column each week usually without difficulty — but sometimes, honestly folks, I come up blank.
When I come up blank, you will get a list column. A list column is when I cannot think of a common thread to carry the column and I throw together a mishmash of gags in a list of 10 or so items. Some are funny. Some are clever. Some are just plain dumb.
This week, I don’t have a particular topic. That never stopped me before, after all. The yogurt cup column, while not Pulitzer material, remains one of the more popular. It’s goofy, really, but it’s a nice aside to all the serious news out there these days. I imagine this column is just going to be a series of random thoughts. Indulge me while I ramble, and I will have a more concise column next week.
The first order of business on today’s agenda is the weather. Yeah, I know. You don’t have to say it, but I will. It’s North Carolina. If you don’t like the weather, wait 10 minutes. I get that, and most years it’s pretty accurate but this year, winter just doesn’t want to leave. Winter is hanging around like that house guest who won’t leave well after the party is over. You know the guy. He’s the one who keeps eating while you are cleaning up. He’s the one who parks at the end of the driveway and has to move so other guests who want to go home can go home. Winter has put his feet up on our coffee table and keeps telling bad jokes because someone keeps laughing politely.
Secondly, I want to thank the folks who were so kind as to send letters to the paper saying how much you like the column. I apologize for the delayed response, but I don’t have a desk at the newspaper offices, so the mail has to be forwarded to me and I don’t get it as quickly as I would like. I will answer each letter personally, I assure you, but it might take me some time. Keep the letters coming. I like hearing from readers and I invite you to shoot me a message whether you liked the column or thought it was a big pile of garbage. I don’t answer private messages on Facebook, however. Feel free to leave a comment or a greeting on the main page and I will be sure to respond.
Our cat, Cooper, has asked if he could be featured in more columns. He thinks he is handsome, intelligent and personable and believes more readers would enjoy the column if he was featured more prominently. Cats are a majestic species who are directly linked to royalty and intellectuals throughout the ages. Cats are warm and friendly, and if you didn’t already know, very intelligent. (While he is not looking, I will tell you that Cooper told me to type this or he would leave a hairball in my shoes while I was sleeping.)
My wife would like me to inform the readers that she is not as mean as I portray her in the column. She is actually quite nice and polite and not nearly as mean as I say she is. (While she is not looking, I will tell you my wife told me to type this or she would leave a hairball in my shoes while I am sleeping.)
Column business aside, I would like to wish each and every one of you a Happy Easter. For my Jewish friends and readers, I wish you all a Happy Passover. Cooper would like to wish you a happy “Cats Are Really Smart Day.” I tried telling him this does not really exist, but he, you guessed it, threatened the hairball in the shoe thing again.
Again, thank you for indulging me with this rambling column this week. I’ll be back next week after I have cleaned out all my shoes.
Baltimore native Joe Weaver is a husband, father, pawnbroker and gun collector. From his home in New Bern, he writes on the lighter side of family life.