Someone asked me the other day how I was going to celebrate The Holiday. I mentally checked the calendar to see if I had missed something important. When I was reasonably certain I had not, I asked the person to which holiday they were referring.
“Well, National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, of course!”
I celebrate most of the major holidays. My family and I enjoy Christmas and Thanksgiving. The girls are too old to trick or treat, so Halloween is spent doling out candy to neighborhood kids. Valentine’s Day is spent with a little candy and a sweet sentiment. I cannot recall any instance of gathering the family together to celebrate National Ice Cream Sandwich Day. I don’t think I have anything against it. I like ice cream sandwiches and I think they are fantastic. I don’t really think they deserve an all out holiday celebration. I don’t think my boss is going to give me a three-day weekend because some genius a few generations back shoved vanilla ice cream between two wafers and called it a treat.
Nowadays, it seems every day is another holiday of sorts. Just this week, it was National Pot Roast Day, Mashed Potato Day and Eat A Carrot Day. This sounds like a Sunday dinner at Grandma’s and not a list of traditional holidays. I have difficulty picturing the family gathered around a pot roast, hanging onions and potatoes on it like a little seasoned Christmas tree. I cannot think of a single pot roast carol that my family would sing.
I know there are some holidays that are celebrated in different parts of the country. There are places in southern Pennsylvania where the kids have off school for the first day of hunting season. This makes perfectly good sense to the respective boards of education in that region. Why open the schools if none of the kids are going be there anyway? In Louisiana, Mardi Gras causes the entire state to take a breather from everyday life and let the good times roll.
Let’s look at some others. In the month of June, there is Repeat Day. Repeat Day. (See what I did there?). There is also World Sauntering Day, National Chocolate Eclair Day and my favorite, National Columnists Day (June 23rd). I like to think I am okay at this whole columnist deal, but I can’t think of a single way to celebrate the holiday. I don’t know if I am supposed to expect gifts, kind words, both, or just hope that people don’t repeat the great hate mail deluge of a few weeks ago. I might use the holiday to convince my wife that I can have two desserts after dinner and hope she caves in. She might make me wait, though, for the 29th, which is Waffle Iron Day.
I know there is pretty much a holiday for just about everything. There are days that are for awareness of diseases and syndromes. I don’t really think of these as holidays, but if I can manage an afternoon off for National Ingrown Toenail Day, I just might fake a limp and a sore foot.
July brings Stay Out Of The Sun Day. I work too much to go outside, so I am celebrating this by default. National Nude Day and National Hot Dog Day are in the same month, but thankfully not on the same day.
I imagine if you really thought about it, you could find pretty much anything to celebrate on any given day. Optimists might tell you that every day is a holiday if you have the right outlook. I don’t know when Optimists Day is, but I can tell you the weather is probably a little brighter than Pessimists Day. My daughters like to remind me once a month or so when “Dad Opens His Wallet And Gives Out Money Day” occurs. I try to tell them it’s one of those holidays that falls only on every other Leap Year. So far, they have not accepted that explanation.
If you have more than one person that agrees with you, you can just make up your own holiday. There are plenty of opinions on that. I’d like to present some suggestions given to me, but I don’t know how many people would jump on the bandwagon.
Our cat, who gets upset if I don’t make at least one mention of him in this column each month, would like everyone to celebrate National Cooper Day. He doesn’t know what would actually be done to celebrate the day, but he probably would want to work a lot of people bringing him treats into it.
My wife has proposed “My Husband Has Finally Done The Yard Work He Promised To Do In September Day”. This one is self explanatory.
I suggested “Get Off My Back, You Don’t Have To Keep Reminding Me Day”.
I will be celebrating National Sleep On The Couch Day tomorrow.
Contributing columnist and Baltimore native Joe Weaver is a husband, father, pawnbroker and gun collector. From his home in New Bern, he writes on the lighter side of family life.